I want an iPhone, not Vodafone
Pic by -nathan.
I think I’ve decided (hardly a victory for my decisiveness) to get an iPhone. Not only am I a recent Apple convert, but how can you watch those TV ads without looking at your current phone and feeling inadequate? You can’t. You feel like the boy in the corner of the pub with the ugly girl.
So I phoned Vodafone for my PAC or PUK or FUKU code. And, of course, they asked me why I wanted to leave for networks new. “I want an iPhone,” I said. No longer would I sit in pub corners.
And, of course, they told me not to leave. “Stay with us,” they said. “We’ll save you £15 a month.” Which is sort of true, but mostly bollocks because I wouldn’t be saving any money by staying. I’d just be on the same tariff, instead of the iPhone’s more expensive one. Vodafone hasn’t saved me a sausage.
They also offered me The Brand New Award Winning Blackberry Storm. It’s better than the iPhone, so they helpfully tell me. I know it isn’t. They do too. It’s all a bit embarrassing when people have to pretend something is better than it actually is. Like sending your ugly girlfriend for an expensive haircut before you to take her to the pub to sit in the corner.
Vodafone is due to phone me again tomorrow, with my PAC or PUK or CNUT code. I’m looking forward to the same tedious conversation. The customer retaining bit of the call centre is obviously the coolest area. You can tell. They’re steaming with confidence when they call – like they are The Cellgods, and us mere mortals just tap numbers and reduce ourselves to winky faces.
Which is fine, but ultimately these Cellgods have no power. “Send me a Playstation 3 and I’ll stay,” I said. “Erm … no,” they replied. “We couldn’t possibly do that.”
Look at the maths, though, and it’s barmy – surely? Thirty quid a month contract for the next ten years is £3,600. A Playstation 3 is less than a tenth of that. Makes sense to send me one, I think. And it’d mean I could play Little Big Planet instead of despairing about the ugliness of my new non-iPhone.