Slightly Askew

What a shit word efficient is. It’s an ugly one, too.

Yes, yes, those who are efficient get things done in the shortest amount of time and expend the least amount of energy. Being efficient might reduce costs, but it probably leads to a rubbish product. And when I say rubbish, what I really mean is soulless.

Efficient people weigh things up. Whatever happened to just doing things?

Sometimes it’s fun to just get in a car an drive somewhere. To blurt something out without thinking about it. To book a hotel without reading some fuckwit’s opinion on TripAdvisor.

Efficient people don’t do that. They research and collate and ponder and decide and execute and measure. Yuk.

So here’s a toast:

To fucking up the first attempt. To having a stab in the dark and ending up with egg on your face, but a life lesson you’ll never forget. To blowing that twenty quid on a silly hat because you’re never likely to see its sillyness again. To scoffing a tasty bacon sandwich even if you did have breakfast only an hour ago. To working all week on something and then discarding it because it was shite. To starting a sentence with the word and. To starting a whole bloody book with the word and. To writing ten pages when one would’ve done. To writing one page when ten were requested. To doing what you feel is right, and not what you were asked. To sticking two fingers up to efficiency, and embracing the spontaneous. To following your heart as much as your head. To being here now.

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I love Christmas – there’s magic in the air.

Yes, Christmas is too commercial. But so is football; so is the new Kings of Leon album. I don’t care: sometimes I like commercial. That’s why I’ve always wanted to work in advertising.

Advertising can be beautiful. This, this and these are all the proof you’ll need:

In 2008 the lesser spotted Good Christmas Ad made a return to shores of Blighty thanks to CHI & Partners.

If you did manage to piss off your family with some rubbish gifts, they’ll forgive you. After all, Christmas makes people a little friendlier and smiley. Perhaps it’s all the fantastic cheap booze Supermarkets are offering (another upside of things being too commercial).

And amidst the throng of festive commerce, I think you’d still be a right sour muppet if you didn’t entertain the thought that maybe, just maybe, Santa does exist. Yes, I know, it sounds ridiculous. But watch just one of the many good festive films – Elf, Miracle of 54th Street, Santa Claus The Movie – and only the hardest of impenetrable hearts will condemn Old Saint Nick to the spiritual scrapheap.

But now Christmas has gone for another year. I’ll miss it.

Oh well, let’s look forward to a cracking 2009.

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When your friends pop in for a cup of tea, serve it in a chipped teacup.

Use it up … Wear it out … Make it do … Or do without

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Zhong nan hai by Carsick Cars.

It’s all in Chinese but nevertheless quite breathtakingly brilliant.

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I can’t be bothered to write anything clever or thought provoking, so here’s a recipe for a cracking butternut squash soup that’ll warm your lonely heart this winter. You’ll need a butternut squash, a couple of onions, some curry powder, cumin, salt and pepper. A sharp knife, chopping board, cooker, blender, bowl and spoon will also come in handy. Onward.

Peel a butternut squash and cut it in half, longways. This is actually quite difficult, so use the biggest knife you can muster. Then scoop all the seeds out with a spoon.

Cut the butternut squash up into blocks. You don’t have to do it as perfectly as me, but it helps.

Peel a couple of small red onions (or one big one) and cut those up, too.

Chuck the veg in a saucepan and start frying. Add one tablespoon of curry powder, one tablespoon of cumin, and plenty of salt and pepper.

Mix one Oxo cube (vegetable would be a sensible choice) with 300ml of water, and pour into your pan.

Give it a mix and put the lid on.

Cook for twenty-five minutes. I spent this time watching the football, but you could learn a dance or go shoot some people on Grand Theft Auto.

After twenty-five minutes have passed, check the butternut squash is cooked by giving it a good prod.

Grab a blender, and get your game face on. This is not a job for pansies.

Blend until smooth. Looks good, doesn’t it?

Lunch for two.

Don’t forget the home baked rolls. Caroline cooked these.

Go! Stuff yourself like a Gok Wan patient.

Mmm… soup.

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