Slightly Askew

So I was trying to explain how luxury watches aren’t just about telling the time – they’re status symbols, fine pieces of jewellery, examples of horological excellence. But I accidentally left out the word “just”.

Still, it’s nice that James and Glen in the studio decided to let me off. Being the new boy and that. Thanks chaps. I owe you one.

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Photojournalism. It’s my current fad. Not since the potato waffle phase of autumn 2007 have I experienced such salivation for anything other than a Bank Holiday Sunday boozathon.

Whether you give two hoots about Uncle Sam or not, this is brilliant. Via City and Sticks.

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[photo by hugovk]

I am delighted. Chuffed to overenthusiastic bits, perhaps. Today, I stumbled upon Good Copy Bad Copy.

It’s one of those scary grammar blogs that sends a wave of panic crashing over me. As I read, I worry about whether I’m punctuating my thoughts properly or not. I’m shaking as I type this. Honestly.

But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger (well, apart from a debilitating disease).

Clare clearly knows her stuff, so it’s fantastic to be able to digest and learn.

Mingin’ purple, though.

[edit: I tried linking to the website, but some strange redirects are occurring. Don't let that put you off. Copy http://www.daccreative.co.uk/goodcopybadcopy/ into your browser.]

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[Photo by afiler]

When I was young, my mother told me that when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me.

These days, a more popular phrase seems to be assumption is the mother of all fuck ups.

Both are true, of course.

Suppose it’s just you doing the assuming. You’re going to assume right or assume wrong. You’ve got a one-in-two chance of getting it right. Fifty-fifty.

Now add another assumer.

You’re working together on something. You assume, they assume. You both need to get it right, otherwise the legs fall off your project. You both have a one-in-two chance of assuming right, but there’s only a one-in-four chance of both of you assuming right.

Four of us assumed the other day. We had a one-in-sixteen chance. It was 93.75% certain that we would fuck up.

And fuck up we did.

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10. Bruce Willis
You’re no doubt aware that Armageddon is the greatest film of all time. And that’s in no small part due to the genius of Bruce Willis; a true luminary walking amongst the fodder of Affleck. “Daddy! Daddy, no!” cries sexy Liv. I cried. I’m sure you did too.

9. Dr Bruce Banner
Depending on how old you are, The Incredible Hulk (green-coloured chap; quite angry) is a
- Comic book hero, without the incredible.
- Classic Saturday afternoon telly programme, like Highway to Heaven.
- Shit CGI film.

8. Bruce, Loose, Aboot This Hoose
I’m not even sorry. Go!

7. Alex Bruce
Ipswich Town defender of little repute.

6. Steve Bruce
Father of Alex. Me and my girlfriend were once in a lift with father and son. It was a chilly New Year’s Eve in 2006. When we reached the ground floor, son tried to exit the lift before my girlfriend. Father told him in no uncertain terms to wait for the lady. I won’t be dining out on that story for long.

5. Ken Bruce
Meh, not as good as Wogan.

4. Bruce Lee
So yeah… he makes a good statue and an ‘edgy’ student poster. But has anyone actually seen Fist of Fury? Does anyone really care? Not me. Double meh.

3. Fiona Bruce
It’s probably wrong to ogle newsreaders, but that’s the beauty of it.

2. Bruce Forsyth
Deserving of a knighthood, Brucie is the king of light entertainment. Okay, so his jokes are bad, and I hope his dancing isn’t as painful for him as it is for me, but give the fella a break – he’s 80. If I reach 80, the only funny thing about me will be the smell.

1. Bruce Springsteen
My friends laugh at me because I like The Boss.
I laugh at them because they don’t.

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Since you asked, I had two reasons for changing the look of my blog. In fact, I still have them. Here they are:

1. I got all up-my-own-arse-arty and decided that minimalism was like so progessive.

2. My blog was looking like I’d dressed it in one of those horrible WordPress themes that people submit for download in the hope they’ll get kudos (shit word) from the blogosphere (another shit word). It felt corporate and dirty. What lows would I stoop to next? AdSense? Fucking hell. So I slapped myself in the face, got rid of all the colours, and decided on Slightly Askew written in Georgia (a font that generates stiffies among male nerds because it looks so beautiful on a Mac) in a pretty shade of blue.

Hope you still like the words, even if you hate the design.

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I hate decorating. With the fiery passion of an “appalled” Daily Mail reader hunting down a big-haired Radio 2 DJ.

However, two good things to come out of recent decorating tribulations:

1. The Crown Paints website. Oh no, I’m not being sarcastic. It’s a stroke (arp!) of genius. You can even see what your room will look like at night. (No, dickhead. Not a pitch black night.)

2. Listening to albums from start to finish while painting. Especially great ones that you haven’t listened to for ages. Come back, Good Shoes – I miss you.

Cripes, it’s snowing…

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I usually refrain from posting football humour, but this is hilarious.

Especially when the joke’s on him.

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I’m no photographer, so when I fluked this photo I was rather chuffed. Looking back, nearly a year later, I’m still chuffed. So I’ve posted it here for the world to see. I think Ank would’ve preferred fewer candles, though.

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Oh, thank you Delicious Industries. I owned that game. Actually, I did more than just own it. I played it with my family many, many times; it was a part of my childhood. I loved it.

We probably ended up selling it for 50p at a car boot sale down Portman Road on a chilly Sunday morning, but such is life.

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