Slightly Askew

Dial 0800 123456 to buy!

Thursday, February 12th, 2009

Dial 0800 123456 to buy!

Ever seen it? I haven’t.

Okay, so most of us are pretty familiar with 0845 numbers and 0870 numbers. But I don’t know how much it costs to phone them. Do you?

Is it free? Is it standard rate? Is it premium rate? Is it variable? Actually, what is standard rate?

I, personally, don’t have a clue. But I phone 0845 and 0870 numbers.

And you probably phone them too.

You might be more informed about the cost of these calls than I, but your knowledge of telephone numbers is probably no better than mine. What number is the gas man? Sky? Your insurance company? Amazon support? Domino’s pizza?

A smart arse replies: “But I have the number for Domino’s Pizza stored in my phone!”

And why do you have it in your phone? Because you can’t remember it. Because in this crazy world, you have to remember five passwords, four pin numbers, three french hens, two pairs of keys, and the drawer you left your passport in. So Domino’s gets left behind. So does your car insurer. So does one of your relatives.

No brain space + no idea where to find the number you need = Google search.

And then search wins. Because maybe you don’t tap a brand name into Google. Maybe you tap in a generic term, and pick your company from there.

Action. It’s so bloody important. If you’re going to chuck money at grabbing people’s attention, creating interest, and developing a desire – why skimp on the action? Why hide your telephone number in the corner? Why make people fill in web forms when they could send you an email in half the time? Why not get them to pick up the phone and call you?

And why the hell hasn’t some massive multinational bought the telephone number 0800 123456? For all the silly money they spend on branding, why not buy the most memorable number since 999?

I’m a complete bore, so I phoned 0800 123456. And it’s available for rent! Phone it if you don’t believe me.

If I was the company who owned 0800 123456, I’d lend it to Comic Relief. Can you remember last year’s Comic Relief number? No. Even though Terry and Fearne said it every fucking minute of every tedious hour, you can’t remember it.

But you’d remember 0800 123456. And you’d think, ‘why hasn’t anyone else ever used this number?’

And businesses would think the same. You’d get loads of enquiries, and end up selling the number for a fortune. You’d be helping charity, too.

Just a thought.

(I’ve opened comments if you’d like to point out how stupid my ideas are.)